Don't You Hate It When...

The thing you have been dreading comes to pass?

Since I hurt my back, I have been juggling that issue, with my ankle problem, and any other temporary EDS incidents which crop up along the way. 

It'a a horrid cycle - my ankle gives way, leading to a knee sublux or dislocation, which then both aggravate the pain in my back. Repeat for every step I take. 

I was taken off of crutches and put onto a zimmer frame when I hurt my back - and told I wouldn't be safe to go back onto them until they knew what was causing the nerve problems and severe pain. I have been using that to move around, but because of my back I have to stay weightbearing through the frame. When HulkFoot™ is giving me severe grief, I cannot give it a rest with non weightbearing time. So as time has gone on, my pain levels in other joints have been increasing. I have been wondering how long it would be before my knee would pick up an injury.

I don't have to wonder anymore. I woke up this morning screaming in pain. My knee is approximately the size of an orange. I am unable to bear weight on it without crying in pain. The pain is shooting both ways - up to my hip, and down to HulkFoot™. I am profoundly grateful that I do not have full feeling in my legs at the moment - if it hurts this much now, I cannot bring myself to think how badly it would hurt normally. 

I have a real conundrum now. Do I visit the hospital? Is there really anything they could do for me? I am already in possession of a zimmer frame, and on large doses of pain meds. An added issue is that I am home alone. My Mum and Dad are on holiday in Malta, Uberman is at work, and so is my brother. I have no cash here at all for a cab. So I physically couldn't get there anyway. I am due to see my ortho consultant on August 6th. Can I hold out until then? 

I am terrified. I desperately wish someone was here to try and help me be rational. I feel like I'm falling. If my knee is damaged, it will put me so much further back. I don't want to be further back. I want to move forward. I need a hug.

Scared.